Last week there seemed to be a common theme with blogging. Most bloggers were re-evaluating 'Why Am I Doing This?" I have been doing it too. My first concern, am I still portraying myself accurately. My goal has and always will be: TO BE GENUINE. If you know me, I want my blog to reflect who you know. If you don't know me, then I want you to feel like you do. I don't have the greatest personality. I feel sort of boring as a whole. I'm definitely reserved. I hug the line of conventional pretty tightly. But I do like to let loose responsibly, have a good conversation, be creative, and adventurous. I like people. I like to help others, unless they take advantage of me. I like to do stuff. I'm not very content to stay home. I'm working on it! And I'm game for just about anything that doesn't include removing clothes, breaking the law, or getting dirty! Unless all three are involved! JUST KIDDING!
Overall, I feel I am pretty genuine on this blog. I don't share lots of personal stuff but enough. I don't have consistent entries but I feel my posts are adequate. However, I find myself comparing this blog to other blogs. My main question is 'Should I have a niche?' I am really fighting it. I know it's what we are suppose to do but it's not what I want to do. I love the freedom to write about whatever. Yes, 'whatever' tends to be the military lifestyle and my kids. Sometimes I will vear from the norm and talk about celebrity gossip or fashion or food. Just like my everyday life.
Bottom line is this year you are getting more of the same. A mom, a military wife, three crazy kids, a dog, and all our adventures!
Now I'm ready to talk New Year's resolutions or goals, if you prefer.
#1 Be a Better Friend--initiate contact. A huge area of struggle for me is relationships. I tend to let people seek me out. I do not initiate contact as often as I should. I adore my friends. They are so good to me. They call, text, and invite me to go here and there. I love to say 'yes' and we have a great time. But I do not return the favor nearly as often as I should. I'm changing this year. It's my focus.
#2 Trust God. It is my most repeated sin. Do you know how many times my family said "Maybe God is just trying to tell you to let go of the control"over winter break? I know He is. And I really want to obey. I have committed to this resolution on Jan.1 and have only missed two days of reading. In order to trust, I am going to need to read the Word, pray, and be open to His plans. It's going to be a challenge!
#3 Budget and Save--failing miserably on week one. I'm tracking every penny though. And I'm shocked by the numbers. Hopefully this will push me into being more thoughtful as the weeks go on.
#4 Communication with my Husband. I love him. I do. Unfortunately, my communication does not reflect my undying love for him. He has been gone 3 months and I have written him 3 letters. Care packages are additional but really nothing to be proud of. I'm better with email. He gets one a day, at least. He wants more. Eek! I have now committed to one letter per week until he comes home. I have written him two letters.
#5 Make the Most of This Deployment. I have decided to have a more positive outlook. I'm making my "To Do" List. Fun stuff and tasks I want to accomplish before Homecoming. I feel I've been spinning my wheels for the past 3 months. I really haven't accomplished anything. I don't feel like I have reached a spot where I am energized and independent. I still get resentful towards the Marine Corps and sometimes my husband. I get overwhelmed with responsibility and stress. I feel lonely and sad. I understand this is normal and acceptable but I want to enjoy myself. I want to look back at this deployment and feel it wasn't so bad. Right now, I feel I will look back and say "I made it".
Recently, my mother in law said to me, "It's nice that you have the time while the kids are at school to do something you enjoy". I thought for a minute and my answer was "I don't". I need to stop feeling guilty because he is gone, working hard, and sacrificing his personal freedom/ comfort for the greater good. He still has the luxury of no family responsibility and plenty of personal time to focus on himself. That is our life right now and I can not resent him or the Marine Corps for it. I can just change my own outlook. And so that is what I will do!
I got this! I really do!