Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Hello September.

The subtle arrival of my favorite month! The flip of the calendar puts my mind in overdrive. I immediately want all of Starbucks fall menu, trips to Disneyland, and cooler weather. Waking up to 60 degree temperatures gives me hope that autumn is right around the corner!

Tuesday, August 18, 2015


Jack found a forever home! I was beginning to worry about him. Every week we'd bring him to his adoption fair and six hours later we we're back to pick him up. A new interested family every Saturday that always fell through. Third time is a charm! We sure will miss Jack. He was a really great dog! But we are learning most shelter dogs are really great dogs! 

Wishing him and his new family the best! #adoptdontshop

Monday, August 17, 2015

Back in the Swing of Things

After seven weeks of summer vacation, school is back in session. A big woohoo that things are going smoothly. The kids and I are getting to be good at this absence thing. We sure miss the Marine and fingers crossed one of these years he can be home to experience Back To School and celebrate an August birthday. We've had a pretty long streak without him during this time of year. Always a reminder not to take time and small moments for granted. You never know when the Marine Corps will come calling!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Where'd That Damn Thing Go?

Have you seen it? I must have misplaced mine about 16 years ago. I could really use it right now. 

I've been trying really hard to hold my shit together. But man, separation is hard. Temporary single parenting is hard. Being thousands and thousands of miles from your spouse is hard. Strained communication on top of it all is hard. Trying to suck it up because technically this isn't a deployment is hard.  

I want an easy button! Not standard issue for most military families. Not even sure what that looks like. A nanny? Family visitors? No job? Trip to the spa? Maybe just a good cry. I've been doing plenty of that this time around. Man, I remember when I use to be a powerhouse with these separations...ok can I just call it a deployment?!? No tears. Head down, push push push through months of whatever to get it done. This time I was crying by day 2. New record!

I wish I were a lot of things right now. Mostly just better at handling things without feeling like bursting into tears. 

Does anyone else go through this during deployments or TDYs? The sadness, loneliness and feeling overwhelmed by added responsibilities? Geez I feel like a really good candidate for some meds right now! Oh well might as well be honest, right? Lord knows I need to get this out of my self and get through this mood :/

Friday, July 31, 2015

Believe In or Settle For

I'm a list person. That's just who I am. Come into my house on any given day, ask me to see all the lists I currently have, and I can show you at least 5. Lists make me feel organized. They make me feel focused and accomplished when I cross even one thing off. Doesn't matter if that one thing was get the mail out of the mailbox!

You better believe I buy into bucket lists, life or seasonal. A certain number before a certain age lists. And most recently, a 101 Things in 1001 Days. I've been working on the latter since the new 2015 year. To keep on track with the '101 Things' list, you need to complete a task approximately every 10 days. Seven months into the list, I should have 21 things accomplished. I have 15. While it's not on schedule, I still feel good about the progress. Some of my list is a process, like send birthday cards to every person in my family throughout an entire year. That takes a while to complete. While others are things I can choose to complete in one day, like 'Say yes for a whole day'. Believe me everyone wants to be around for that day!

All of my list is meant to push me towards bettering myself, enjoying my life, and accomplishing some goals. One of my 101 Things includes answering all 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. I felt the questions would push me to open up to others. Which is kind of cheating because my blog does provide a bit of anonymity, but it's a start!

Currently on #7: Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

I do believe in what I am doing right now. Personally, I have committed to being fully present for my family. I have struggled with my desire to spread myself a little thinner with activities, more schooling, or committing time to a cause placed on my heart.  But my kids and husband won out because of my personal choice. I'm not feeling the pressure of time right now. I feel everything has a season and this particular season is about my family. I trust there will be time for the other things later. I can honestly say this is a new feeling :)

Professionally, I'm on the fence about whether I'm settling or believing in my work. On one hand, I feel like I believe in my work. The field of school age care is developing. I like being a part of a field with so much potential growth. I like creating and implementing a quality program for my (work) kids. I like that my job supports families who work and provides them with a sense of comfort regarding their children. Those things make me happy. I also believe in my role as a leader. Not that I do a phenomenal job at leading :) but that I have learned more about myself in this role than any other aspect of my life. I have been knocked down repeatedly. I've cried lots and lots and lots of tears. I've been boiling mad for days. I've contemplated quitting without notice and finding a retail job with a really great discount for the rest of my life! But I have always picked myself back up. And after I do, I'm better for it. A little meaner… but better.

When I feel I'm settling, it is because I believe there is bigger work out there. A demographic really in need of help. Parents who work but can't afford quality care. Kids who are begging for someone to encourage, support, and work off the clock for them. My heart is ready for that kind of purpose. I just don't think the season is right.