Today Deployment Sucks.
Today deployment sucks because of how sad and angry and lonely it makes me. It bogs me down with negative emotions. It makes me want to lash out at innocent people. People who don't have a clue. Today I am emotionally tired of riding this roller coaster. One day I feel I got deployment under control. The next day I'm in tears because...well, I'm not even sure why or how it happens. It just sneaks up on me.
Today deployment sucks because my only communication with my husband is email. Day after flippin' day. 'Day 30' posted in his subject line makes me angry because I know we have to get to triple digits. Then multiple. Then add some more before the emails stop. The subject line reminds me it has been 30 days with only one phone call.
Today deployment sucks because it makes me feel like an inadequate mom. My brain is in a constant fog. I forget things. I feel disorganized. I'm emotionally exhausted. I don't remember to sign the homework folder. I don't recheck someone's homework. I don't have a plan for dinner. The living room is a mess. We skip showers. I make one child read to the wall. My daughter goes to bed mad. The dog goes in the kennel. And I pray all of these forgotten tasks will not cause permanent damage. I don't want future Christmas conversations to be about our wacky deployment dinners.
Today deployment sucks because another marriage was broken. A wife grew weary of the "military lifestyle" and sent her Marine a Dear John email. I can't think of a more ideal way to deal with a major life stressor than on a boat, in the middle of the ocean, with my co-workers. Weeeheee!
Today deployment sucks because my feelings are shared with hundreds of other families. War, terrorism, discord, training exercises, and school all continually separate military families. The momentum of military service has increased to a pace never felt before. Fewer troops and more missions. It's basic math.
Today deployment sucks and I am choosing to throw political correctness out the window and be real. Today I am exhausted and I don't want to be Moto-Marine wife. Today I want a free pass to exercise my freedoms, namely freedom of speech.