Deployment Homecoming Is The Best

It goes without saying, Deployment Homecoming is the best for sooo many reasons. #1 You are done with deployment status which despite your seasoned experience will always suck! #2 You get to see your military person again after way too long! #3 The excitement is off the hook at the actual homecoming. #4 You get to go back to doing all the things you couldn't do without your SO there. Whatever those things are for you ;)

So, we were all super stoked last week when we got to see our Marine after half a year apart. Yes, I'm so proud of us for making it through this deployment but nothing replaces having him home.

Like deployment homecomings sometimes go, the guys got delayed a couple of times before we finally got them back. It's a hard thing to tell your kids that their dad isn't actually coming home tomorrow like everyone had planned. However, military kids are champs and they are super flexible with stuff. So that is pretty cool and gracious of them :)

When you have a camera happy parent, then you would think you would raise children who know how to take nice pictures. Not my bunch. They love to mess up all my great shots. But then those candid moments kind of end up being great shots. 

As the mom, you would think you could get a good picture with your husband who just returned from deployment. Unfortunately, when you have so much catching up to do with your dad there is no time to break for 3 seconds and step to the side. Thanks child!

Despite all the hassle over having the perfect homecoming picture, our Marine is home. 

The most important thing!

Now we can hit the resume button on life as we know it.

Waiting

I've got nothing to say, except when the powers that be push back the return repeatedly the week you are suppose to have homecoming, you start to get antsy.

Why not have a little blog post in the meantime? We will call it an update. And cross our fingers the next post is a smiley complete family photo!

Last night I finished up this stellar book, Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. Wow! It was incredibly eye opening for me and peaked an interest. Now I'm beginning The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead with a similar subject but different writing style.

Last year, I read so many books and that was ok. I had a lot of time to read books. I read what I wanted when I wanted. Although, things got a little messy in my head keeping details of books separate or retained. I felt a little deflated at the end of the year. Like my reading was more quantity over quality, only really valuing my favorite reads. This year I wanted to commit to learning through reading. African American history was at the top. With all the media attention given to the Black Lives Matter movement and related police incidents in 2016, I thought it was wise to educate myself. I plan to do that with fiction and non-fiction. When I feel like I've had enough, I will move on to another.

I'm still getting Stitchfix boxes. It was my little deployment treat. But lately, I haven't really been in love with anything in my Fixes. Ok, there was an exception, this dress. I thought a possible homecoming dress but I have a closet full of sleeveless dresses. So, I passed.

I thought this purple top was cute too. The V neck was a little too deep for the classroom. So, I sent it back. I'm taking a little StitchFix break until my birthday month.

We had a snow day last weekend when the rest of American was also getting snow. The real South saw inches of white stuff, NC got this. Thank goodness North Carolina is proactive and cancelled all activities all weekend long and gave us a 2 hour late start on Monday. I'm not sure how we would have managed to get to school after this kind of weather on Saturday 😜

If you look really really closely, you might see ice on my fake Christmas garland.

Treachous weather! But then again, two hours up the road had a half foot of snow.

Then there is basketball practice. 3 days a week we come to the middle school gym for basketball. Here is the thing about me, I'm not a sports mom. I like sports. I think kids should be involved in sports for many different reasons. One of them is not so they can become professional athletes or college scholarship receipients. If I child has the determination, then I'm completely supportive. I do not agree with pushing your child to be that, want that, or parents acting like children are that...at 11 years old. When I sit in the bleachers I pray some overzealous parent will not start gossiping with me about how the coach is playing what players or how distraught the parent is that their child hasn't had their growth spurt to make them a better defensive player...at 11 years old. I don't know how to respond like I'm remotely interested.

So, I'm super excited to hand this off to my sports loving husband. Who values some good parent sports talk and gym time :)

Good news, I just killed an hour. I'm going to sign off and get myself ready :) Thanks for keeping me company!

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We Made It!

Deployment is quickly coming to an end. And as the kids and I wrap up these last few weeks/days, I find myself a little sentimental over our (hopefully) last deployment. We made it! Together, us four, made the most of our new home with not a friend in July 2016 to thriving (or surviving for me) in January 2017. My kids are champs. I'm so proud of them for overcoming this insanely big change and challenge. We didn't do too bad :)

Almost half a year ago, we all said goodbye looking like this.

Two parents, one teenager, and a couple kids.

Wow have things changed!

My husband has come home from deployment twice to new babies in the house.

I promise this homecoming will be the biggest adjustment coming home to two teenagers and a tween. Life is drastically different from July 2016!

When the Marine last saw us, we were Pokemon obsessed. We spent the first month of deployment maxing out our data collecting pokeballs and battling gyms. Looking back, it was overkill but we were staying sane. Six months later, we aren't even sure if people still play PokemonGo. 

We certainly don't.

In the beginning, the beach was another big source of entertainment. It's local, the weather was perfect, and the boys couldn't get enough.

We started to get a little braver and travel a little further from home.

We went to Fort Fisher Aquarium.

We rode a ferry for the first time.

We took a ghost walk in Wilmington.

We braved an even scarier Hurricane Matthew, which was an experience! Not as bad as expected but not a big fan of high wind and no electricity in the middle of the night.

We did have to pick up the yard which was a complete hassle. We have a very big yard with lots of trees! Which my husband thinks is important because he is never here to mow it...or pick up after hurricanes 😡 So, in September, the Marine was very very lucky we didn't not move back to California.

Post Hurricane Matthew with the Atlantic Ocean acting like nothing happened.

We travelled out of state too :) Can't forget about those trips that made me feel like Super Woman!

Then we did other things which don't seem as important but probably meant more. We began to make friends, be social, and enjoy our new home.

Pool parties.

Hiking.

Weird North Carolina attractions.

Our first Fall...and Halloween.

I even went off on my own now and then.

Acting all Southern and cliche at the Airlie Gardens.

And when we got sad or lonely for our Marine, we made our own little escapes.

To the zoo on Veteran's Day

And UNC Chapel Hill during Thanksgiving Break.

And to Iowa at Christmas.

And now here we (actually just me) are, cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting my hair did for the big Homecoming. 

I hate deployment. It isn't fun. I promise. But you always grow and you always find you are stronger than you thought you would be. And you make these memories that you laugh about or roll your eyes over years down the road.

This is not glamorous. This is not ideal. But it's our life. And now we get the sweet reward of Homecoming!

Winter Break. Road Trips. And A New Year.

There is one thing I've never done in his whole military career. Drive back to our home state without him. This year I needed it and I felt comfortable with it. So, I did it. I drove to Iowa and back as the only adult with three kids. And I only got pulled over once!

Living in California for our entire career, I was always apprehensive to make the drive across the desert. No cell reception. No towns or services for miles. I would be up a creek without a paddle if anything happened. So, I either spent the money on four place tickets or stayed home. Since moving to North Carolina, the drive seemed more do-able. And let's face it, I might be the only military spouse who has never driven home without the military member. At least, that is how I feel. It's not the biggest accomplishment one can make (I suppose). However, after 15 hours in the car yesterday, I feel like it!

So, how was the trip? What did we do? Here are some highlights the kids would want me to share:

• snowy walks
• sledding
• family gatherings
• cousins
• pigeon hunting
• horses
• BABIES!!
• old toys
• grandmas
• soda (or as they say in Iowa--POP!)

One of my highlights was taking Kyli prom dress shopping. My sister, mom, and two nieces joined us. Kyli obliged us each by trying on one dress each of us picked out. She is such a good sport.

Holidays with family is the only way to go during deployment. Even if the struggle requires tolerating arctic temps. No matter how much I love family and family time, this body can never live in Iowa again. California and North Carolina have spoiled me rotten. Snow is a novelty.

Now, we are back to 60 degrees...and raking leaves...in January.

It's day one back from vacation and I have a million things to do. Yet, here I am writing a blog post. So much better than laundry and grocery shopping and raking :)

Happy New Year everyone! 

Labor Day 2016

Good news, our first big North Carolina storm passed through without major incident. You can call it a hurricane or tropical storm, but all it really amounted to was lots of rain. I am confident it rained for 18 hours straight before there was ever a break in the storm. And my dumb dog held his pee for the same amount of time. We had some mild winds which left lots of small branches and pine cones all over the lawn. Overall, not a big deal! I'm very thankful. I know Florida and Georgia saw so much worse and yet the storm could have been so much worse for everyone! 

I figured I should post one final "we are at the beach enjoying summer weather" post in hopes it will summon the Autumn season. I really really hope North Carolina is a place where there is a season called Fall. If I can't have California, then I better get to experience my favorite season. Until the first leaf changes color, we can talk about the warm weather and beach days!

The boys and I went to the beach. (My often absent teenager went to a friend's house.) The beach in North Carolina is pretty much the best! California cannot compete! The water is warm. The sand is soft and powdery white (where we are). And the summer weather is always right for a beach day. 

Labor Day was our first holiday in this cycle of fun otherwise known as deployment. Holidays are typically hard without the loved one. Normal people retreat into family mode and you are sitting at home with your kids realizing your family is not whole at the moment. I have to disclose we did get an invite for a squadron BBQ for families but I passed. I hate to turn down invites, especially when I have yet to make any substantial connections. What is the old saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"? I mean when you get an invite and you are alone, then you should take the invite!! In my defense,  the RSVP list was solely mommas with babies and toddlers. I figured it wasn't a good fit for my kids meaning they wouldn't enjoy themselves and in return not let me enjoy myself. I'll save my veto power for another day!

Apprehensive Social Butterfly

You know that day early in deployment when you get the invite to a social gathering. Your heart is begging you to stay in your pjs on the couch but you feel like it's the "right thing" to do. You brush your teeth, put on real clothes, and reluctantly drag drive yourself to the party. You third wheel it all night managing the highs and lows of socializing. There is someone to talk to, now everybody is hanging close to their husbands, preoccupy yourself with your kid, and now where did your little people go? No really because now you are third wheeling it again!!

That was me in week 1. Our very good friends were throwing a birthday party for their son and everybody and their...husband would be there. Which means? Third wheel. You've probably been there too. Birthday party, cook-out, or wine night. It's a couples night or family day and you know without a doubt you will be the only one sans husband. The thing is your husband has only been gone days or weeks and you aren't quite on board with the whole single woman hear me roar persona which will empower you in month 2, 3 and possibly 4. So, you become nauseous thinking about the pros and cons. You come up with your best excuses which are half truths because you don't want to out right lie. And God forbid you tell anyone you don't want to come because your husband just left and you are still in a funk. You know the way people are, negative emotions just encourage them to pressure you to come over and potentially risk ruining a perfectly great friendship outside of deployment.

To go or not to go--that is the question. Well, I went. It wasn't the worst. My kids had fun. I got to socialize with adults. I met some ladies who seem nice. I saw our very good friends who are a joy beyond measure. I witnessed some good ole Marine shenanigans which is always a good laugh. I stood around a lot and talked to no one. I preoccupied myself with my kids so I wouldn't be the loner in the corner. And I hovered over the food table one too many times.

I got out of the house. I could have stayed home and no one really would have been too bothered by my absence. But I would have been alone. And I was "alone" yesterday and I will probably be "alone" tomorrow. It's probably best that I get out these first weeks and socialize with adults when the opportunity presents itself :) Set the tone for an "exciting" deployment. However, I'm not setting myself up for an overly eventful deployment. I just want us all to get through in one piece, alive, and healthy. Because we know how the last one ended and we don't want to repeat that. So, if I want to stay home in jammies I will. If I feel I need a push, then I will give myself one of those too :) Morale of this story: Set your own pace deployment buddies!

Twas The Night Before The Big Day

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring...except for the military spouse :) Yep, you knew I was going to do it! This is what happens when you have nothing but time on your hands and no adults to talk to in the house. You start modifying children's rhymes to fit your military lifestyle. It happens. Less than 24 hours before we said 'see you later', I was just a mess. All I could do was lay in bed and toss and turn. Thinking about how the hell I'm going to manage this again as the spouse. I just started writing...

Old picture but same situation

It's so strange to me the number of times we have been through the deployment cycle and specifically the pre-deployment stage, this pre-deployment has been unlike any other. I think we are on #5 and this is my most emotional. In a sense, I am happy because the feelings are being released. On the other hand, I'm a crazy basket case most days. I think back on so many pre-deployment days and I know my coping style has been avoidance. I hold onto this unrealistic hope that deployment will be cancelled. For the record, deployment has NEVER been cancelled. Another stark contrast is the current waterworks. Typically crying  doesn't happen until week 3 for me. No tears at the drop off...ever. This time I've pretty much been crying since May.

Bright and early we are going to get this party started. Everybody will load up in the van with their pjs, blankets, and pillows. Get in one last kiss, hug, and "see you later" before things change for awhile. I'm ready to start this countdown. I've been more ready this time than any other. Every time I look at him I'm just reminded that he won't be here for a lot of stuff. And that makes me sad. So, I'd really like to stop being reminded. And start looking forward to the happy stuff. I guess I'm "finally" getting my wish. 

Well, surprise, famous last words and all the cliches. He was delayed. He got the call bright and early the morning of to say...Delayed. So we got to do it all over again the following night. But now everything has worked itself out and everyone is safely where they are suppose to be and we are T minus one on our countdown. Yay us! It is what it is. I have found my perfect little spot in deployment stage one where everyone annoys me and I don't want to see or talk to happy well adjusted people :) I'm just going to bunker down and wait it out for stage 2 where I turn into a bad ass and rock life! 

I'll be sure to let you know when I'm there but you will probably start to figure it out on Instagram :)

Pre Deployment Thoughts

Sleep is just not happening tonight. I think I tossed and turned for two hours thinking about that damn D word. I started counting the days until he leaves. I'm still not sure how time passed so quickly from when we realized deployment was around the corner to wishing it would never come. I try to recall if we've prepped for all the possibilities and requirements of deployment. Everything feels so messy. Different. I know 100% of those feelings come from our recent move. I haven't even properly sorted out the cross country move in my brain. I'm still missing California every day and not connecting with North Carolina. Deployment is just another thing I need to process.

I am terrible at deployment. I have this bad habit of stuffing my pre deployment emotions down until my body can't handle it. Those stuffed emotions usually manifest as anxiety attacks. After a particularly scary incident (last deployment), I've learned to just feel the feels as they come. Which really means cry it out. And I do every day. And it's ok to cry and be sad. I think it is very normal to miss your husband and to have the worries and concerns military spouses have. (It took me a long time to allow myself that grace :)

I've been considering how this deployment will be for the kids too. Everybody struggles. Yes, even the teenager, Miss Independent will miss her dad. She doesn't realize it yet. The boys, I can't even. Pray for us! Our last deployments were only a few months. Honestly, short deployments are manageable. Long deployments require more...everything. I'm going to have to step up my boy mom game.

This to shall pass.

Practice Makes Perfect?

Oh yeah, it's about that time again for our family. Honestly, my mind hasn't even processed that he will be leaving...soon. I've got all these things running through my brain. Number one: "Haven't we hit the quota on deployments?" I feel like deployment should be something your service member should eventually be able to opt out of, like living in cramped junior enlisted/officer housing or having 24 hour duty on holidays. Once you've checked that box a hundred times, then you don't have to do it anymore. I know I know. What a terrible military that would be! I understand everybody needs to deploy. Geez, can we put a limit on deployments? Pretty please.

You want to hear something strange? When it comes to deployments, my husband is constantly gone in August. I can only count on one hand how many times my husband has been around for the first day of school in 15 years. You want proof...here is my post from 2015... and 2014...and 2013...and magically he was here in 2012. I feel like every military family has that one occasion or month, when the military member will always manage to be gone. Does that happen in your family too? Ours is August. And it's going to happen again this year!

If you are seasoned military spouse, then you know pre-deployment briefs are the "only" way to prepare for a deployment. I think I could give a pre-deployment brief in my sleep! Topics covered: OpSec, American Red Cross, money, emergency care plan, power of attorney, and a bunch of acronyms. Did I cover everything? This command did things a little different, they went light on the dry info stuff and heavy on the communication stuff. It was kind of nice because it felt more like a date than a boring class. The instructors based their class on the What Color Is Your Parachute? book. The general jest of the book is personality tests and communication styles which the teachers applied to deployment. As a seasoned couple, I felt we took something away from the brief than the traditional way.

With deployment fresh in my mind, I am curious how many deployments you have experienced? My second question, how do you feel about them?