Tuesday, May 7, 2013

My One Fear


"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
-Douglas Adams

There are no words more fitting for my life.

As a young girl, I dreamt of a life beyond my small Midwestern town.
I had goals and a timeline for every major life event.
Somewhere between those quiet nights writing out the details in a 1 subject spiral notebook and marrying a Marine, 
I kind of lost sight of the schedule.

I'm pretty sure the marriage was 7 years ahead of the plan.
And the baby girl, at least 10 years too soon.

Needless to say, I wasn't ready to be mommy at 21.
 I took on the role. I put all my energy into it.
Thirteen years later, 
I realize this was the plan.
It just wasn't mine.

I have left the small Midwestern town.
I managed to finish the degree I wanted.
And the Marine turned out better than the mystery guy.
Whoever he was. 
And we have raised three incredibly smart, energetic, and clever kiddos.

My only honest fear is life without them. 
I wouldnt know how to do it
And I'm not interested in finding out.


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7 comments:

  1. I have the same fear you do...I think that's why I'm so selfish and possessive when it comes to spending time with my family.

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  2. I love this & how you didn't realize it was THE plan until later down the road. Makes you realize what you have and to be grateful for every minute you have with your family. :)

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  3. This is so beautiful Nicole. We never really have as much control as we think we want... then we realize, maybe that's a great thing.
    Love this post.

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  4. I think you read my mind. I had all these goals and hopes before I got married to my Airman... and now I feel lost in the shuffle. Like I don't belong and I don't have a purpose!

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  5. That is one of my most favorite quotes. I did the marrying a Marine at 18, having a baby at 20, moving clear across the country at 19. It wasn't "my" plan - but it was HIS plan. I know that my husbands affair, my separation, and everything since wasn't my plan - it was HIS plan. God laughs when we make plans, because ultimately - its HIS plan.

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  6. Beautiful, I have no connection whatsoever to military life but I have all the respect in the world for you and those who sacrifice. I was a young mother too and now all three boys are grown and on their own...it happened all too quickly! Enjoy them, every singly day. Blessings!

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