One reason has been because of the challenges of deployment. Over the past six months I felt I was being blindsided left and right with stressors. A broken washing machine, a car accident, sick kids, an unexpected expense which took a big bite out of our savings, and an out of control blaze on the back patio to name several. By February, I felt we met our quota on bad luck and it would be smooth sailing until my husband's return in May. I was confident.
For ten days after surgery, I held on to the hope of a clear pathology report. No cancer. I felt God would be merciful and graceful to let us be the 1 percent. When the doctor confirmed 100% seminoma, I honestly felt disappointed. Had we not been through enough?
How do I say 'Thank you God' when life isn't sunshine and butterflies? Isn't that everyone's question? When I put pen to paper every night in my gratitude journal, how can I avoid just going through a process? For me, gratitude journaling isn't about denying the bad things. It is about taking time to concentrate on the good things. Maybe my husband has cancer. Maybe I lay in the dark and desperately pray that everything is going to be ok. Even if we have to cross a bridge that is dark and scary, that in the end everything will be ok. We will grow from this experience. Someone will benefit. Good will come.
I contine to write my list of five thankfuls, even as we go through this medical diagnosis. Yes, I am not grateful for the constant appointments, the endless waiting, the diagnosis, the worry. But I see the good.
I am thankful for the down time.
The moments we had to just be together with no other distraction.
Laying down our guard.
Drawing closer to God.
I won't begin to guess why this has happened to us. I only know and trust God's Word which says "...[I]n all things God works for the good of those who love him..." Romans 8:28.