Today I get to put on my big sister hat. A role I only get to play a couple times a year when my lil sis decides to clear her schedule and pick up the phone.
See...see what I did there. Total big sister move. Throw the younger one under the bus. And run like the wind! Just kidding. Love my sister. Poor girl gets a lot of unsolicited advice. A Lot! But as the older sister you get the trump card. It's called
age and
experience. I guess that makes two cards. Trump cardzzz.
On this
Military Monday, Ashley from
Eights On The Move, asked for advice on family planning in the military. I wasn't quite sure how to approach the topic. I am by no means an expert in family planning! However, I am an expert in non-family planning. I have a pretty good success rate. So, I can definitely educate you on what happens when you don't use strategy when having babies.
To preface this post, I should really point out my target audience. The military is made up of all ages and stages of life. What was a typical career move for a young adult is now a viable choice for anyone under the age cutoff. What is it? 32? 33? Obviously my advice is directed more towards couples who are young and beginning the military life together. Those couples who have the bulk of 20 years ahead of them. Older couples and those who are marrying more senior ranks don't have to consider how an entire military career will impact their children. You all are on your own!
Here is a quick family history. My husband joined the military. My daughter was born 18 months later. Our son was born three years after. And our other son 18 months after that. As I have written before, my daughter will only know life as a military child. My husband will retire around the time the boys enter high school. Of all my worries about being a military family; having to uproot my child during high school would be top 3. I pray we never!
Our kids were born early on in my husband's career. Our first when my husband was a Lance Corporal. We made the conscious decision to not have more children until he was a Sergeant. Zac was born then. Derrick was born when my husband was a Staff Sergeant. Based on our personal experience, I suggest
Do not have a child when your spouse is a junior rank, enlisted or officer. #1 reason is money. Self explanatory. #2 is job related. Everyone knows junior enlisted ranks are the peons. They have no freedom and have to ask permission to do anything which includes prenatal appointments with the wife. By the time you've picked up a few ranks, you can talk to people as your equal and balance the workload to allow you to attend a couple appointments without having to deal with a crabby egotistical superior who never had the "luxury" of going to baby appointments.
My second bit of sound advice is
Never tempt the deployment "gods". With our second, we knew my husband would be deploying in the new year. We had given ourselves a cut off date. If it didn't happen by a certain month, then we would stop trying. Without success, we decided to just let things happen if it was "meant" to be. Chances are it hadn't happened yet so it probably wouldn't happen. Our second child was born three days before my husband returned home from deployment. I honestly wouldn't recommend having a baby if your husband is on sea duty or in a continuous deployment cycle. Having a baby during deployment sucks. No way around it. It sucks. And the second time around isn't any better. I got to learn that lesson too.
Retrospectively, if I had chosen when to have babies, I would have waited until my husband was 4 to 6 years into his military career. By the time my kids were high school age, we would be settled in our forever home. But, life doesn't work that way. No crystal balls or time machines. We just have to trust God that everything works out exactly as it should. One lesson all military families learn quickly is to be flexible. Your well intended plans always seem to get derailed by the military's master one. If we would have waited to have kids, then our time in Japan would have been about raising preschoolers and toddlers. We wouldn't have been able to explore our host country for three years toting 3 littles around. And if we tried, the kids wouldn't remember it anyways.
Man, I ran circles today. The family planning question is a toughie! The only real answer is to
Be Flexible. Have those babies when you are absolutely ready to be a parent. In fact, wait a few months longer than that. Just to make sure. Parenting is a tough gig. Military family or not. Being ready to be a parent sets you up for success way more than perfect timing.
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